I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
