I'll bet she douches with gravy.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
