seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
