She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
