Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
