I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't deserve a penis
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have aggressive nipples.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
