the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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