i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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