I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
