drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
