Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
