i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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