Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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