buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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