I'm going to jail i love you
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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