it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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