i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
