Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
