I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I want to have your abortion
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
