I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
