he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
