I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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