wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
