I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
