Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
