matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I smell like Dick and happiness
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
