dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
