Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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