i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
