If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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