I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
