I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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