evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you will always have a special place in my vag
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
