we're making bets on your personal life
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
