Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
