I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
