It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
