i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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