I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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