Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
