good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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