margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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