I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
