I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
