I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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