There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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