i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
