You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
