i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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