I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
