I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
